I'M BAAAACK

it's been kinda silent around here y'all

i'm so sorry

i still love you bloggy

anyways...

i have a real post just waiting to be written

but that requires, ya know, time

so for now, this is all i have

no one can put this quite stressful and time consuming semester into words quite like this guy

(whoever he is)

thanks to facebook, for turning into a place where people only share articles, videos(like this one), and baby pictures

hillbilly

guys

i had a stellar blog post planned for today

but that will have to wait

because about 15 minutes ago

my universe changed 

forever

those are my pearly whites 

that i love

and am very self-concious about

and there, on the front right tooth

IS A HUGE CHIP

(ok it's not like half of my tooth is gone but its still super awky looking)

because my husband tried to kiss me

and hit my teeth with his teeth

(can we be more like 15 year olds?)

and chipped my tooth

i immediately called my family

and they laughed at me

and then comforted me

and bryson will only be sleeping on the porch tonight

not on the roof 

(kidding)

a future break-up post

guys

i really don't like provo

(i know, it's not really new news)

but seriously,

these past two weeks have been

THEE WORST

i had to deal with one very very rude semi-relative

our car broke

our rent was returned, twice, because of bank errors

(and yes, we had to pay for their mistakes)

my papa died

and i look horrible in some recent facebook pictures

guys. like literally WHAT IS HAPPENING?

i swear provo is just trying to get rid of me, too.

it's like in middle school

when my friend sarah was trying to get her boyfriend ben

to break up with her 

because she didn't want to feel bad

but she was sooo over him

her plot didn't really end well for anyone

especially for her dog

who ben dyed green

when she actually did break up with him.

(guys, that's a real story. middle schoolers be cray-cray.)

and my complain fest is done now,

because really, despite where it's located,

i love BYU

and i'll miss it when i'm gone

(in just 3 short semesters)

until then provo,

try and not kill me.

(this is not the actual green dog from the story, but hey, a green dog is a green dog)

(because you need to listen to it)

squanto and the other things

meet squanto

caleb butler perry

i love him already

and i haven't even met him

congrats to my best friend kristiney and her husby kirk.

1. i've been babysitting the nerdiest children this past week.

 i never knew that a peck was 30 of something

but they did

and i still haven't been able to convince them that i actually go to college

dang it.

2. all these missionaries are coming home

and then they get on facebook

 and i'm like WAIT

WAIT

i forgot you even existed.

whoops.

3. this old couple kills me

"i make dirt"

tho old man especially

bryson in 70 years?

definitely. 

life in 7 seconds

work:

family:

just because:

how i wake up every day because life is just grand:

also. this song. i just can't stop listening. 

tired//lucky

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

e.e. cummings

when i turn purple with anger over a betrayal of trust

or i can't sleep with nightmares of a former life

or i beg in tears to not have to leave this place and face provo this fall

i am so lucky to have a husband that will calm me down

with kind words and sweet promises

unmatched even by my beloved e.e. 

wolf attack

so here's the story

i got bit by a wolf spider

had an allergic reaction to it

was home alone

called 911

rode in an ambulance

went to the hospital

annoyed all of the nurses

convinced them that i didn't reallllly need an iv

ate hospital food

freaked bryson out

and went home.

it was a pretty productive trip

i got to cross riding in an ambulance

and eating hospital food

off my bucket list

and the spider that i thought was dead

came back to life

and had 15 babies in its plastic bag.

rip 16 wolf spiders.

"we are gonna run out of air.."

...after all the people put pollutants in the air from the factories making plastic.... bags."
 
                                         - a nine year old explaining
                                               why we need to put air on the list of needs
                                                 during sunday school,
                                                   yelling over the other 98739 year old boys

on an unrelated note, we are never having nine year olds.

(except this one)

tay-has

don't worry guys

i didn't die 

which was actually a legit fear

cause bryson left me alone for 933458347 (12) days 

while he moved and i took exams boooo

all those nights i was just alone and any murderer could have found me

but none did

not even one

ok

away from my dark mind

WE LIVE IN TEXAS NOW

(i think live is the right word. i mean we are here for 4 months 

which is longer than we lived together in utah. so yeah we're going to say live.)

it's heaven.

i'm never going back to provo.

like. ever. 

it's so perfy.

bryson has a big-boy internship.

with big boy hours

and a big boy paycheck.

(and i still am on that smoothie makin lifestyle..cough.)

and normally him being gone for 10 hours a day would be a bummer

and it still is

but it's less of a bummer

because five of my favorite people are also around all the time.

yep. we live with all of my sibs and parents and pet.

(it used to be pets, but the fish died. r.i.p. journey pumpkin) 

and i think they like bryson more than they like me.

but more on that later.

here's a picture-fest of what's been going on.

kimmy got stranded in texas and i rejoiced and yes that's a metal football.

we went to the lake and bryson showed off his bikini bod.

we waited out our first tornado warning. prayers to those in OK.

cactus gardens. even i could grow one.

nubbs participated in her first color 5K and there is still chalk everywhere...

the rangers game where the sky caught on fire and everyone sang texas songs.

i have get to live with this one. every day.

bryson is apparently obsessed with cows and even got to ride one WOOHOO.

and i got a dirty chicken sandwich from my favorite place and all is well.

anyways.

 if you need me, i'll be here.

happier than a slinky on an escalator. 

bryson vs taylor

ok. so we've all seen those parodies by now of taylor swifts...really good... song, trouble

from her...really good new album.... ummm. 

just in case

here's a refresher of the classic goat version

and here is my husband doing a cover of the role of "goat"

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

here's a lesser known (but in my opinion better) parody, starring Nigel Thornberry

and bryson, being the adaptable guy he is, once again hits it spot on. 

yup. i married that.

crash.

one time when i was a little sophomore i was really sick

like the throw uppy kind

and so i showered and went to bed

without putting any clothes on

i wake up to find two of my friends in my room

one with a guitar

to serenade me back to health apparently

(don't worry i was covered, and they pretended not to notice.)

this is him

this is the song he played

he's pretty good, right?

(his band is the raven watch. look them up)

WARNING THIS PART IS UNUSUALLY MUSHY.

this song pulls at my heartstrings

it always have

now it just about kills me

because i've got my ball, i've got my chain

he's sweet like candy to my soul

and i couldn't be more in love.

(SORRY I PROMISE IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN ANY TIME SOON)

Scared of the Easter Bunny

the title of the blog kind of gives it away

as a kid, i was terrified of the easter bunny

like, petrified

all of us voigt kids were

which doesn't make sense

i don't remember any traumatizing experiences with giant bunnies 

that would make us catatonic every time the easter visitor was mentioned

anyways

i thought we were alone in this

turns out not exactly

(watch this)

5 people i'm so sure i would be friends with in real life and one i would not

lord disick 

(for obvious reasons)

lily and marshall

(i would kill to be their couple-friend)

grumpy cat

(my spirit animal)

mayhem

(we are both good at making messes)

BUT NOT HER. 

(so much quirky and singing. oy vey)

5 things to make any monday better guaranteed or your money back

you guys can thank me later.

uno

dos

tres

this

(this whole blog is too funny. i die.) 

four

annnnd

cinco

happy monday, ya'll

only a few more till summer!

clods

ok, there was no katy wednesday last week

but i was packing for las vegas and couldn't sit still long enough to write a post

so to apologize

i'm giving up my favorite katy story

it's a good one

this is my favorite picture ever.

when i die

i want this on my program

(take note bryson)

it was youth conference

and freaking hot

and we were doing service

which, ya know, is cool and all

but it was like 139485734 degrees

but we put on our happy faces

and went to serve the cute old people

most groups had something like

weed the flower garden

or 

sweep the porch

and were done in 5 minutes

and could go swim

not our group

we had to make a pathway

thats right

like create it

and oh

it was grass before

(look at that picture. katy and i made that)

and sooo

being the serviceful and sweet children and all

we didnt complain

at all

(lie)

but all that righteous service

can get SUPER BORING

so we started picking up dirt clumps

and throwing them

shot put style

(so fun you guys)

and then got yelled at by the old people

and then complained.

it went on like this for probably 17 hours

and so, sweaty and with dirt in our hair 

(from the dirt clod throwing, remember?)

we became future roommates

the devil in the carrot juicer

you guys. 

i really love my job.

i mean, sure i get paid next to nothing.

and i spend most of my time COVERED IN FRUIT

(bryson thought i had huge bruises one time... turns out it was just blueberry juice mush i had somehow got on my elbows.)

but seriously,

WHO DOES NOT LOVE SMOOTHIES?

(except this one. it's gross. and it looks like baby diaper.)

sometimes though,

things go wrong.

take yesterday.

i was just doing my happy little thing

 getting ready to juice some carrots

i turn on the carrot juicer

and it roughly starts doing this

except it starts shaking

so being the rational person i am,

i keep putting carrots in it.

and then the smell comes

it was like burning tires.

or the pit of hell.

or both.

by this time, everyone- employees, customers, cecil o samuelson

has stopped what they were doing and started staring

 at the obviously possessed juicer

so i turned it off.

(i'm scared of casper. exorcism is not for me- not even carrot demons)

and later, two workmen came and took away our little machine.

and thats the story of the devil in the carrot juicer.

(enjoy.)

stumbling and TAMNERS

wednesday is katy day.

remember?

so this one time

many moons ago

we were freshman 

and did freshmany things

in between these freshmany things..

was the internet.

there were two things that we loved more than anything else on the internet

so many hours.

so many laughs.

katy even made a pop out card for her crush from inspiration from one of the sites.

(this was before pinterest... be impressed)

are you ready for the websites?

this

and 

this

(make sure you have your volume up on this one... you'll love it i swear)

ha. now you're hooked too.

happy wednesday, yo. 

four things and then another thing

this

 (i wish i was a mermaid)

this

(do i want this? oui!)

this

(8% on rotten tomatoes = my kind of movie.)

and this 

(mini-holm. twice the cuteness of a regular holm)

BUT HEAVENS TO BETSY 

NOT THIS

(am i the only one who finds this horrifying? i like my babies fresh, not bbq'ed, thank you very much.)

chicken parmesan

my freshman roommate came over the other night

and we laughed and talked for hours

literally

hours

it was great.

she is bust-your-gut funny and sassy

and freshman year was full of times i will never forget

i'm gonna share some of these times with you

on wednesdays

(this first one will be short

because of the long intro

and i hate reading lots of words

so maybe you do too)

but first

this is katy

so if you see her on campus

say hi

ok, so my freshman year i had bizarre taste in music

(it hasn't changed much, but i hide it better)

(also, bizarre is a bizarre word)

one of my favorite songs was this one

you guys.

don't judge. 

i still listen to it from time to time.

(today. twice.)

anyways.

katy hated this song.

and one day she just exploded.

"GILLIAN. THE ONLY THING THIS SONG SHOULD BE ABOUT IS CHICKEN PARMESAN, 

AND HOW I THINK ABOUT WANTING IT IN MY BODY."

since that day

i can't see chicken parmesan on a menu without hearing this song in my head

and laughing hysterically.

third-wheeling

you guys.

this is lauren.

she's my precious lil sister 

who has been here all week.

i like her

and she has words for you.

Hello friends! I am Gigi's sister, Lauren, and I'm co-blogging this week.  So I've been visiting Gillian and Bryson since Wednesday, and I'm going to tell y'all my favorite third-wheeling adventure of the trip.  This is to be expected as they did get married two months ago, but this one probably takes the cake on third-wheeling's.
 Saturday afternoon we went skiing, and on the way we passed Scheels sporting goods.  Gillian told us how it was on her bucket list to ride the Ferris Wheel inside of it, therefore on the way back we decided to stop and ride it.  Let me mention that it was only Bryson, Gillian, and I at this point, and the Ferris Wheel is only a two seater (but let's get real riding in the same cart as a newlywed couple... how about no), so of course being the classy person I am I offered to ride alone.  The line took about twenty minutes to go through, and the couple was just being adorable as they do.  I noticed as I was watching the people going on that they all were either parents and their children, or couples, and there was not a single person going by themselves.
The worker who was seating us made it even more uncomfortable for me when he started asking if I was with the two in front (Gillian and Bryson) and if I would be "jammin" by myself.  As we went around I swear I saw multiple people giving me sympathetic stares.  I'm also sure we went around double the normal amount. After the excruciating long ride I finally got off, to meet up with the couple and have more third-wheeling moments.  I'm not going to lie I really don't mind these moments, and I think Gigi and Bryson are super cute.  So that's my story and I hope you like it!

why i won't be wearing my wedding rings this valentine's day

two straight days of posts... whaaattt?

i feel conceited

but seriously ya'll

tonight was off the chizain

in a derpy way.

so i was settling in to a night of homework

enjoying my last bit of cookie dough for 40 days 

(mormons can lent too)

when i sliced that dough a little too hard

with a giant knife

and took a chunk of my finger out.

so i banged on my next door neighbors door using my head,

got to the hospital

and got all sewed up.

they got all of the skin pieced back together

and i only had to endure 839384 fat jokes about me and the cookie dough

(you guys, why couldn't i have been slicing an apple???)

and now i'm home and loopy

and i can't wear my wedding rings cause my finger is roughly the size of Mercury

but bryson told the man nurse i would blog about this

so here you go, manly man nurse

the best part was my little brother coming over to check on me 

(he likes me)

and this:

huzzah for soft kitty.

nautical nonsense

what i'm about to tell you is truth.

it has been retold for many years

and is now part of my family folklore.

when i was younger, all of us cute little voigt ninos were not allowed to watch spongebob

GASP, right?

i think my mom thought it was dumb.

whatever, mom. 

it was a nightly tradition for the kids to sneak out and watch tv from the balcony 

after we were supposed to be in bed.

now here comes the good stuff.

one night, my mom was taking out the trash,

my dad had the tv on,

and the second the door clicked closed,

he turned the channel to...

SPONGEBOB.

we kids were shocked.

dad watches spongebob?

why can't we?

the next morning we tattled.

and from then on spongebob reigned king in our house.

but wait. that's not all.

this year, i got two sister in laws.

aren't they cute?

(also, that boy that is not my husband, that's Tom. He's fun and single, yo.)

they are spongebob and patrick themselves.

and with their love for the square,

my own love was rekindled.

i might watch spongebob on saturday mornings while bryson makes pancakes.

take that, mama :)

(jk mom i love you)